Apparently, the only person not getting awoken by my snoring is me. And since I rarely even know I am snoring, my first instinct is to deny it altogether. How annoying must that be for my wife?

So finally, after being asked several hundred times, I gave in and bought the strips. you know those nose strips that are open up your nostrils or something so that you stop snoring.

Last night was opening night for the show we'll call "The Great Nasal Expansion". If it was a spy movie it would have been "Operation Open Nostril". Had it been a controversy it might have been called Nose-gate. You get the idea.

These things actually come with directions. So at 10:30 last night I'm in the bathroom reading these tiny direction to get this thing on properly. I finally do,  and looked up in the mirror. I looked like an out of shape boxer who just lost a fight. And I felt like I had to hold my upper lip up toward my nose because of the pulling. Sounds pretty, right?

But I will tell you, those things did open my nose up and it was easier to breathe. So I hopped into bed optimistically thinking my wife wouldn't have to wake me up because I was waking her up from snoring.

An hour later, she woke me up with some breaking news. "You're snoring".   A snoring out of shape boxer holding his upper lip close to his nose, denying he was snoring. Now that's the way to keep your woman happy.