I told my wife to wake me up if I am snoring, so she does, but as soon as I'm awake, it stops. So, if I don't ever hear it, am I really snoring?

Diane has tried everything. She has slept on the couch. She has sent me to sleep on the couch. She has tried to cover her head with a pillow, and I'm pretty sure covering my head with a pillow has at least crossed her mind. Now she wants me to get those nose strips.

She has tried recording me and playing it back, but every time she does, I stop snoring the second she hits "record". And even on the times when she catches me snoring on video, I treat it like a UFO or Bigfoot. I say it's a fake or I say it's a bear or weather balloon or a falling star. It could be anything, except me snoring.

I think that aggravates her more than the actual snoring. Well, maybe not, but it does aggravate her. At this point, I'm willing to say this. I MAY snore, but I'm going to need some proof before I use those strips!