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Office Host Monkey Spreads Plague in Toms River

There’s something going around here at the Townsquare Towers in Toms River…it’s sweeping the 4th floor. I’ve even heard rumors of a 2nd floor Plague — you folks on 3 better get prepare.

We’re working in a Petri dish, and I’m afraid. I’m very afraid! Luckily, we think we’ve identified the source.

Us on-air folk believe our particular host monkey looks something like this:

host monkey
Our little host monkey (Andy Chase)

The host appears to be in good health, has been seen roaming the halls, and answers to the name ‘Varacchi.’

Several people who have come in contact with the host have come down with a violent illness, keeping them out of the office for about one day.

If you, or someone you know, has the symptoms of a cold: sneezing, coughing, fever, malaise, generally feeling like crap…STAY THE F HOME, YOU’RE MAKING EVERYONE ELSE SICK TOO.

Laurie Cataldo

We have stocked up on disinfectant sprays, wipes, tissues, and antibacterial hand gels in the hopes of keeping the illness from spreading further. Frequent hand washing is also suggested.

Hunker down people, you never know where the host monkey will show up next!

(Editor’s note: Varacchi is still considered ‘good people’ in all of our hearts.)

Does it bother you when people come to work sick? Tell us in the comment section below!

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