The Difference Between Men and Women
This about sums it up!
Let’s say a guy named Fred is attracted to a woman named Martha. He asks her out, she accepts. They have a pretty good time. A few nights later he asks her out to dinner, and again they enjoy themselves. They continue to see each other regularly, and after a while neither one of them is seeing anyone else.
And then, one evening when they’re driving home, a thought occurs to Martha and, without really thinking, she says “Do you realize that, as of tonight, we’ve been seeing each other for exactly six months?”
And then…there is silence.
To Martha, it seems like a very loud silence. She thinks to herself: I wonder if it bothers him that I said that. Maybe he’s been feeling confined by our relationship. Maybe he thinks I’m trying to push him into some kind of obligation that he doesn’t want or isn’t sure of.
And Fred is thinking: Gosh. Six months.
And Martha is thinking: Do I really want us to keep going the way we are? Are we just going to keep seeing each other at this level? Are we heading toward marriage? Toward a lifetime together? Do I really even know this person?
And Fred is thinking: …so that means it was…let’s see…February when we started going out, which was right after I had the car at the dealer’s, which means…lemme check the odometer…Whoa! I am way overdue for an oil change.
And Martha is thinking: He’s upset. I can see it on his face.
And Fred is thinking: And I’m gonna have them look at the transmission again. I don’t care what those morons say, it’s still not shifting right. And they better not try to blame it on the cold weather this time. It’s 87 degrees out, and this thing is shifting like a garbage truck. I paid those incompetent thieves $600.
And Martha is thinking: He’s angry.
And Fred is thinking: They’ll probably say it’s only a 90-day warranty.
And Martha is thinking: Maybe I’m just too idealistic, waiting for a knight to come riding up on his white horse.
And Fred is thinking: Warranty? They want a warranty? I’ll give them a warranty. I’ll take their warranty and stick it right up their…
“Fred,” Martha says out aloud.
“What?” says Fred, startled out of his thoughts.
“Maybe I should never have,”… (her eyes beginning to brim with tears) “I feel so..” (She breaks down sobbing).
“What?” says Fred.
“I’m such a fool,” Martha sobs. “I mean, I know there’s no knight. I really know that. It’s silly. There’s no knight, and there’s no horse.”
“There’s no horse?” says Fred.
“You think I’m a fool, don’t you?” Martha says.
“No!” says Fred, glad to finally know the correct answer.
“It’s just that…”, Martha says.
There is silence while Fred tries to come up with a safe response.
So he drops her off at her home. She lies on her bed, a conflicted, tortured soul, and weeps until dawn.
Fred gets back to his place, opens a bag of Doritos, turns on the TV, and immediately becomes deeply involved in a rerun of a college basketball game between two junior colleges that he has never heard of. A tiny voice in the far recesses of his mind tells him that something major was going on back there in the car, but he ie pretty sure there is no way he would ever understand what, and so he figures it’s better if he doesn’t think about it.
The next day Martha will call her closest friend, or perhaps two of them, and they will talk about this situation for six straight hours. In painstaking detail, they will analyze eveything she said and everything he said, going over it time and time again, exploring every word, expression, and gesture for nuances of meaning, considering every possible ramification.
They will continue to discuss this subject, off and on, for weeks, maybe months, never reaching any definite conclusions, but never getting bored with it either.
Meanwhile, Fred, while playing racquetball one day with a mutual friend of his and Martha’s, will pause just before serving, frown, and say: “Norm, did Martha ever own a horse?”
And that’s the difference between men and women.
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