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Funny Quotes Moms Never Thought They’d Say

While I haven’t done it (yet) I’ve seen my fair share of moms say something bizarre to their kids, all with that familiar ‘I can’t believe these words are coming out of my mouth’ look on their faces.

Here’s a collection of some good ones from friends, family, and listeners:

mom yelling at kids

From Melanie: “Was getting the dog neutered last week and my 6-year-old started crying. When we asked what was wrong he said, ‘Are you going to cut my balls off too?’

From Kristy: “About my daughter when she was a year old: ‘Did she just puke in my mouth?'”

From Dawn: “Stop trying to saddle up your sister. She’s not a pony.”

From my cousin Rene: “Stop licking the dog.” “It’s not okay to poop in the yard.” “Don’t pick your brother up by the neck.”

From April: “Explaining why he shouldn’t pick his boogers, eat his boogers, or wipe his boogers on the couch or dining room table. It’s basically a lot of talk about boogers.”

From Lori: “Teaching my 12 year old son about hygiene. Wrote all over his bathroom outlining on the mirror toothpaste, deodorant, mouthwash. He was mortified.”

writing on mirror

And my favorite, again from my cousin Rene:
“So I’m at my parents house and the phone rings…caller ID says Jehovah’s Witness…what the hell, lemme answer it and have some fun. I say, ‘Hello?’ and they start speaking Spanish. ‘Sorry, no habla espanol.’ ‘Se habla English?’ ‘Yes…si habla English.’ So someone else that speaks English gets on the phone and tells me that they’re spreading ‘the word’ to Spanish-speaking households. ‘Sorry, we don’t speak Spanish.’ ‘Okay, thanks. Have a nice day.’

My 5-year-old son then says to me, ‘I speak Spanish.’ ‘Oh yeah?’ ‘Yeah…FONGUL!’… ‘No, bud, that’s not Spanish, that’s Italian.’ ‘Oh, what does it mean?’ ‘It means have a nice day but don’t say it again. We speak English.’

I really need to watch what I say around him!”


Speaking of funny moms…don’t forget to check out ‘Dena Blizzard, One Funny Mother’ at The Strand in Lakewood next Friday. Tickets and info available by CLICKING HERE!

Ever have to say something funny, crazy, or weird to your kids? Share it in the comment section below!

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