How to Become a Jersey Stereotype Using Jersey Shore Craigslist
At this point, all New Jersey residents are keenly aware of the cultural stereotype that the rest of the country (and much of the globe) has of us.
We’re loud and obnoxious. We like working out and we’re just as like to pump our fist in the air as we are to smash it into somebody’s face in the parking lot of a Bon Jovi concert. WE GET IT.
But at some point, should we just give in? Should we become what the rest of the world thinks we are?
If you’re ready to take the plunge and become a cartoonish caricature of a New Jersey resident, there’s plenty of inspiration for you on the Jersey Shore section of Craigslist.
First up: your car.
You can’t be “Jersey” driving around in a sedan! So what if it’s a sensible and reliable vehicle that gets good gas mileage. What are front and side crash test ratings? Who is JD Power? I’ll bet he doesn’t have as many “associates” as my uncle in the mafia. Bottom line: If it wasn’t designed for cruising The Boulevard in Seaside Heights during the summer, it has GOT TO GO. We recommend checking out this beautiful 1988 IROC-Z Camaro. This is what we call real “Jersey” style. It’s a classic!
Next: your job.
Ok. What do you do for a living? You’re an accountant? An insurance adjuster? A civil engineer!? THAT’S SO NOT JERSEY. You see these babies? The turntables are your livelihood now. Your new name is DJ Route 37. Make sure to invite every single one of your Facebook friends to your next DJ gig… several times. Also, you’re going to need to release remixes. We’re not sure what they are, but you’ll figure it out. You’re a DJ now!
And finally: your look.
What’s that you’re wearing? Khakis? Cool “Jersey” dudes DON’T wear khakis. They aren’t even artificially distressed. There’s nothing stitched on the back pockets. THEY’RE NOT EVEN MADE BY ED HARDY. You see this Ed Hardy track jacket? This says class. And come on. I can tell you bought those sunglasses at a gas station. Step up your sunglasses game, bro.
So that’s that. You’re a super awesome Jersey stereotype. Enjoy your new life!