How do men overcome that fear of rejection after being turned down by a girl they like? How do men and women move on following a tough break up with one another? We asked an expert on how to find love after things look grim, and he provided the drivers manual.

Townsquare Media
Townsquare Media

Being rejected and having the feeling that your not good enough for someone can lead to having a fear of deja vu when a man is attracted to a women or the other way around.

Middlesex County Psychologist Dr. Marty Tashman explains that it's never easy for anyone's pride to be shattered with a rejection.

"We tend to find all the things that are imperfect about us," said Tashman. "We run that movie over and over again in our head and that emotional radio program as well."

He suggests instead of trying to impress someone you think you may like, become their friend first and find out what their interests are, then share your own.

Tashman says the best approach following a rejection or a breakup is to take things slow and be proud of who you are as a person.

"The better you feel about yourself, the more the hurt that somebody has done to you as a result of their behavior, the easier it is to move on," said Tashman.

He explains that it's human nature to be afraid to fail after being rejected.

"You're going to as a natural course of things find out what it is to be rejected and then begin the rebuilding process," said Tashman. "Then it's about beginning to like the person you see in the mirror."

Another way to move past the heartache, he says, is by performing acts of kindness for others.

"It's about building your self-confidence and making yourself be the kind of person that seems to be caring and that you're proud of as a human being," said Tashman.

When you find a love interest he suggests asking situational or open ended questions to get the conversation flowing better.

"If you're involved in an activity and the other person is involved in an activity...the activity builds in a natural thing that you both can talk about," said Tashman.

He says this will help you both discover more about each other.

Tashman explains another helpful way to maintain the quest for love is by continuing to ask them questions to find out what kind of things you both may have in common.

"Hopefully at some point you're not just with the person for surface reasons, but because there's something interesting about them or you enjoy their company," said Tashman.

He suggests spending a lot of time together to help you both find that commonality and develop a deeper sense of love and affection for who they are.

If your looking for more helpful love tips or other human interests or needs, he says you can contact him at anytime for advice by phone at (732)-246-8484 or via email at

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