I Got Mom Shamed In Front Of My Daughter…Was I Wrong??? What Do YOU Think?
Have you ever felt like you were outside of your body when a jarring experience was happening to you? Almost like you were so taken off guard that you feel like it's happening to someone else entirely? That's how I felt this weekend when a total stranger shamed me right in front of my daughter. I was stunned but left wondering if the woman who shamed me had a point.
I'll give the backstory leading up to what happened so you know where I'm coming from. I work...a lot. What you hear on the air is only the on-air part, there are many other things that need to get done in my workday which usually starts at around 2:30 am and ends around 7:30 pm. I'll spare you the details because I know I'm not alone. Almost everyone reading this will be able to relate to long work hours. I'm extremely grateful and I LOVE what I do, but from time-to-time there is some mom guilt. Again, I know so many of you can relate to that as well, (and not just moms).
This last week was a particularly busy one and I really felt that I did not give enough one-on-one time to my youngest daughter, Fia. I promised her that we would do something special when I had a break on Saturday to make up for my long hours, just me and her. I asked her what she wanted to do and she said, "get a bubble tea and get our toes done"...girl after my own heart! Just for the record, if she said she wanted to dig for worms I would have done that too, I just lucked out in the daughter department.
So off we went with our fancy tea to the nail shop and we settled in. We were enjoying our relaxing mommy-daughter time and a woman marches over to me and says, "not appropriate Mom" and stood there shaking her head. I did the classic looking around to make sure she was talking to me and then she continued, "this is why we have entitled kids". I asked her what she was referring to and she explained that by allowing a full grown adult to scrub and massage my 11 year child's feet that I was teaching my daughter that it was OK for a grown adult to serve her. She was basically saying that I was giving her permission to allow an adult to be in a subservient position to her and this is why children are so entitled nowadays. At first I was offended, then I was embarrassed and now I'm just wondering if she had a point?
I still think it is out of line for someone to tell anyone how to raise their kids and I was really put off by the shaming in front of my child but what if allowing Fia to get a pedicure was a lesson in how to look at adults? I do not want my kids thinking they are on the same level as a adult and I certainly don't want them to be entitled.
We lived down south for 7 years when our girls were little, one of the things that stuck in our family is that we use the terms "sir" and ma'am". My girls will be asked a question by an adult and respond, "yes sir, or no ma'am" every single time. We taught that because we wanted them to show respect. Maybe I'm reversing that by allowing my child to have her feet done by a grown up?
I want my kids to have a strong sense of self but never be self-important. I always want them to respect their elders and maybe this was a confusing message? That lady really got into my head. I told her that I'll have to think more about what she said and she responded with, "I hope you do". What do YOU think? Thank you in advance for your input! I'm sure I'll share this on the air as well and I would love for you to call in and share your thoughts! 732-643-0943 or email me Shannon@943thepoint.com